Now and Then

Now.
What's new?
I haven't been back to my blog since my lovely Grandma Lottie passed. . .
Since I broke up with my boyfriend of over four years (again).
So that's new.

Anyone who knows the girl I am in real life knows I am an open book.  But when experiencing grief (and the past month of my life has dealt a pretty large dose), I tend to go into the fetal position turn inward and share very little except with those with whom I am intimately close.

What's ironic though, is that I was just loftily lecturing my bestie encouraging her to continue being authentic and vulnerable in her blog.

My stance?  The most successful writers are truth-tellers, be it fiction or nonfiction, they are committed to their craft in a way that is authentic to them, and so their work reads as truth, and it is intimately relate-able to readers.  Her readers will continue to connect with her, not just as the talented writer she already is, but also as a thoughtful and feeling and growing fellow human being with something to say.  I hope she never compromises her authenticity.  It is something to be so very proud of.

Because we all know pain.  We all know love and fear and anger and joy.
And we all know grief.

In my limited but inspiring time as a blog author and in just plain life experience, I find that connection thrives on shared authenticity and vulnerability between people.  It ain't always easy, but it should always be the goal.

So here I am, single and Seattleless but still striving. . . When I logged back in to my blog tonight, I found my last unpublished post sitting in draft.  I was both tickled and touched by the girl I was right before so much life change set in. Here's what was going on back then. . .

__________________________________________________________________________

"New Somethingies" Sunday Recap (procrastinated until Tuesday)

(Remember my New Year's Resolution?)

First of all, thank the Ancient Aliens for Twitter!  Now that I'm actually using it, I don't need to feel bad about knowing I have a HORRIBLE memory and making it a goal to do a weekly recap of the new things I did.  Normally, it would be one of those pesky "setting myself up to fail" situations.  Because I Tweet now, I can just refer back to all my random & pointless brilliant & hilarious posts to stimulate the shriveled raisin that is the memory chunk of my brain.

Twitter is plumping my brain raisin.

1/15 SUNDAY

I traded my boyfriend in for a newer model. . .  I wish he was looking at me with that little grin, but, alas, he was cheating on me.  Making eyes at his beautiful momma.

1/16 MONDAY

Nothing new but watching the snow fall, and as the day was wrapping up and the inches continued to accumulate, I did 100 each push-ups & crunches.  That may be nothing new to you, but I've never been one to exercise at home.  Aside from some very mellow asana practice, gentle stretching, and meditation, my body likes to work out each time hell freezes over outside, on location or in my dreams.  The dog was staring at my face the whole time.  I'm not sure if she was confused by me being on the floor, or was at the ready to be MastiffLassy in case of cardiac arrest.  It was interesting to stop daydreaming about working out and actually just do it, right then and there with no membership, no workout gear, no headphones.  Should probably look into making those little "Just Do It!" moments a habit. Thanks for planting that workout seed circa 1990something, Nike.

1/17 TUESDAY

Wrote my first "Snowetry."  And began taking part in a 52 Weeks Photo Challenge.  First photo features a gory murder scene.

1/18 WEDNESDAY

Started reading The Four Desires by Rod Stryker.  I've been using my Kindle application on my phone which I do love, but I've got to stop ordering my yogi books that way.  I miss drawing hearts next to everything I find inspiring & scribbling notes in the margins.  Starting with a crispy book and ending with it all beat up, dog-eared, and journaled-in is such a special thing. 

1/19 THURSDAY

Enjoyed Planet Earth, the Xanax of television, with my coffee which inspired another photo post.  A new mellow way to start the day!  So much better than the negativity news.

1/20 FRIDAY 

Made a new DELICIOUS vegan brownie recipe (with a kick!) for book club.  I think I'm going to make them again for a potluck on Sunday. 

I also lit a candle for Etta James. RIP.

And we went to check out some friends' new BBQ joint in Ballard. Bitterroot.  They are already getting great reviews and were sold out of everything by the time we made it in on day three. Cheers to that!  And we did.

1/21 SATURDAY

Keeping with meditation Saturdays, but also in keeping with my focus on Authenticity, I thought about what might have been my most authentic moment at yoga training a few months ago.  While practicing I had intense experiences of self-love and acceptance when we were instructed by our teacher to put our hands on our bellies during Savasana (the total relaxation portion that comes at the end of yoga class).   I'd never experienced that in a class before, and I had an epiphany about the fact that I never touch my own belly.  Ever.  In that moment, I realized, that I actually avoid it. It's interesting considering I'm bountiful in general and have no problem with other parts of my body. 

Somehow, I held my belly for that few minutes and instead of feeling uncomfortable or disgusted (negativity I've inflicted on myself plenty of times), I just felt sorry for my belly and how mean I've been to it.  I knew my belly needed love.  I returned my hands to my belly Saturday and I believe it's going to become part of my regular meditation practice.